Wednesday, October 21, 2009

What could have been

My RE's office is part of a larger group practice.  The clinic itself is to the right of the elevator banks and has it's own waiting room.  However, to the left of the elevators is the OB/GYN and MFM clinic, the laboratory, and the large waiting room for ultrasounds.  The procedure for monitoring appointments is to check in with RE, and then go to the large waiting room to wait for your blood test and ultrasound.

They open at 7am for monitoring appointments.  At that hour of the day, it's easy to avoid the fertiles.  But, it gets pretty busy.


I work across the street from the clinic, which makes it really convenient.  On Monday, I had to get a blood test, and I decided to go at my lunch break to avoid the early morning crowds.  So, I checked in and found a spot in the waiting room.  It was pretty crowded.  I sat there for a few minutes and tuned in to the conversation around me.  Someone was asking how big their baby was.  Someone asked how far along the pregnant lady next to me was.  She said she was 13 weeks.  I glanced over at her, and saw her looking at a ream of ultrasound pictures.

She was 13 weeks and had a stack of ultrasound pictures - great quality ultrasound pictures - of her 13 week fetus.

I would have been 13 weeks the next day, and the lady sitting next to me was looking at her ultrasound pictures.

That could have been me, and it hit me like a ton of bricks.  I almost cried right there in the crowded waiting room full of fertiles. 

I thought, "I don't want to be here."  And, then I thought, "You don't need to be."  So, I got up and relocated myself to the side of the waiting room by the rheumatology clinic.  Self preservation at its finest. 

It might be silly, but I was proud of myself for taking care of myself and knowing what I needed to do in a situation to feel better. 

9 comments:

  1. Good for you, girl. My RE's office is right across the hall from my OB/GYN's practice and it's almost impossible not to run into pregnant women when I go there for appointments.

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  2. Good for you for moving away, there is no need to try and be a hero in this game!
    ICLW
    www.wheresmy2lines.wordpress.com

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  3. Good for you. There is nothing wrong with a little self preservation now and then. I'm sorry that you were in that situation in the first place, but you handled it well.

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  4. I'm so proud of you! You are awesome!

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  5. Good for you! You need to do that every now and then (take care of yourself).

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  6. Well done. There's no point in suffering more than you already have to.

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  7. I'm glad that you did what you needed to for you. FWIW, I can relate to those take you by surprise, hit you like a ton of bricks moments. (((HUGS)))

    ICLW

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  8. I am glad to have found your blog. You have endured so much and I admire your strength.

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  9. always best to take care of yourself first...and i hate crying in public so i will do anything to avoid it. happens to me all the time...feelings just hit like bam and its all over!

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