I used to eat pizza. A lot. Like 3 times a week sometimes. It was a problem, really and truly. Maybe an addiction (please don't mind the crazies I'm sharing here!) The last time I had pizza was September 10th, the day before my miscarriage. Somehow in my mind these two things - pizza and being pregnant / losing my baby - are linked. I can't even bear the thought of eating pizza right now because I remember that the last time I ate it I was pregnant, and the next day I miscarried. I have never gone this long without eating pizza. It's so weird because I don't even want it any more. The thought of eating it sounds good for a minute but then I remember.
I used to eat pizza for celebrations or when I was too tired to cook. It's weird to have my favorite food tied in my mind with something that was so heartbreaking. I think that at this point, I'd like to hold off on eating it until I have a true reason to celebrate - when I bring home a baby.
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That's not crazy at all... the very last time I ever drank a Dunkacchino was the day my Grandmother died. Just because intelluctually you know they're not technically connected doesn't mean they aren't emotionally. And I think that would be the perfect celebration meal, when the time comes.
ReplyDeleteI always associate corn bread with the flu. At one time, it was the only thing I could hold down when I had the flu. Now, I see corn bread and I feel sick. It's strange what the mind does.
ReplyDeleteHI, I just found your blog and Im sorry for your struggles with infertility and for your loss. Infertility is grief, atleast to me it is. We have also gone thru 2 IVF cycles, no embies ever freeze. We had a pregnancy from the 2nd cycle with triplets (IVF plus ICSI plus assisted hatching), but we lost them at 20 weeks. We are now trying our third attempt at IVF as I only have 2 tries left also. Its a rough road, I hope you dont have to walk it much longer and have a successful cycle next time. Hugs, Nan
ReplyDeleteInfertility and miscarriage can really screw with our brains. My negative connotation was birthdays. For a while it seemed as if every time a birthday came up, I had a miscarriage. I am so sorry for what you have been through and I hope you have that reason to have pizza soon.
ReplyDeleteIt's not crazy at all. It's amazing how our minds link different events and items together.
ReplyDeleteI think you have to do what you feel is right, no matter what anyone else thinks. If you feel you need to refrain from pizza, go ahead and do it, because it makes you feel at peace to do it.
It's so unfair that infertility and loss steal everything from us.
ReplyDelete((HUGS))