What could have been

My RE's office is part of a larger group practice.  The clinic itself is to the right of the elevator banks and has it's own waiting room.  However, to the left of the elevators is the OB/GYN and MFM clinic, the laboratory, and the large waiting room for ultrasounds.  The procedure for monitoring appointments is to check in with RE, and then go to the large waiting room to wait for your blood test and ultrasound.

They open at 7am for monitoring appointments.  At that hour of the day, it's easy to avoid the fertiles.  But, it gets pretty busy.


I work across the street from the clinic, which makes it really convenient.  On Monday, I had to get a blood test, and I decided to go at my lunch break to avoid the early morning crowds.  So, I checked in and found a spot in the waiting room.  It was pretty crowded.  I sat there for a few minutes and tuned in to the conversation around me.  Someone was asking how big their baby was.  Someone asked how far along the pregnant lady next to me was.  She said she was 13 weeks.  I glanced over at her, and saw her looking at a ream of ultrasound pictures.

She was 13 weeks and had a stack of ultrasound pictures - great quality ultrasound pictures - of her 13 week fetus.

I would have been 13 weeks the next day, and the lady sitting next to me was looking at her ultrasound pictures.

That could have been me, and it hit me like a ton of bricks.  I almost cried right there in the crowded waiting room full of fertiles. 

I thought, "I don't want to be here."  And, then I thought, "You don't need to be."  So, I got up and relocated myself to the side of the waiting room by the rheumatology clinic.  Self preservation at its finest. 

It might be silly, but I was proud of myself for taking care of myself and knowing what I needed to do in a situation to feel better.