Sunday, May 31, 2009

Retrieval Day

We arrived at the clinic at 8a.m. today and proceeded to sit in the waiting room for 35 minutes before they called us back. When they called my name, my husband and I both got up. The nurse said that he could go back and sit down. I was on my own, and didn't even get a chance to get a hug or anything. We walked into the procedure room, I was handed a bag with a robe and given a locker and told to change. I was honestly pretty upset. I thought that M would be able to come back with me. I started to tear up. Then, I couldn't get the stupid robe tied and cried some more.

They had me lay on a gurney and got me prepped with an IV and blood pressure etc. The whole time I'm trying not to break down in tears. I was nervous, didn't know what was happening, and missed my husband. I felt alone.

At about 5 minutes to nine, a super nice nurse came back for me and walked me to the procedure room and told me to go to the bathroom again. After she heard me flush, she knocked on the door and brought me some paper towels and helped me get settled on the gurney with the bizarre leg holders. She started getting all my monitors attached. When she asked me how old I was, I told her that it was my birthday - so I got birthday wishes all around.

The doctor came in, and told me that my stimulations looked really good. Then, he sat down between my legs and admired my bunny socks. Next thing I know, I'm shouting out my name for the embryologist and they begin the drugs.

All sorts of action went on in my hoohah at this point - cleaning, a speculum, poking etc. The doctor would do the thing, I would say "ow" and then he'd tell me what was going on. Kinda backwards. I think he told them to turn up the juice at one point since I was too aware. I heard some talk about a cyst as well, remember getting my progesterone shot, but not much else.

I scooted over to the gurney and traveled across the hall for recovery. I took a little nap until the nurse told me she wanted to sit me up some. She gave me some juice and Tylenol. Then the doctor came by to tell me that he talked to the embryologist and they got 8 eggs - which he said is average, although they'd like to get more. He said that I had a big cyst on my right which they deflated, and that sometimes a cyst can impact the quality of the follicles near by. He seemed confident that they'll get enough to transfer.

I got dressed and sat down, and then my husband came back just in time for the embryologist to tell us the same story. We slowly made our way out of the hospital and walked towards the parking garage. We stopped at Panera Express for a bagel, and then I came home and slept for about an hour. I'm pretty sore and tired, but overall ok. I'm hoping for a good fertility report tomorrow.

I plan on spending the rest of the day on the couch napping, reading, or watching TV.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Retrieval Tomorrow

Last night we triggered. Retrieval tomorrow at 9 a.m. When the nurse called me, she rattled off all of our instructions and told me that my 3 day transfer would be Wednesday, and my pregnancy test would be June 13th. I almost started crying. I'm overwhelmed by the fact that tomorrow afternoon I'll be technically pregnant. That my babies will be created. That there is an actual chance I might become a mother. Overwhelming.

My husband said to me, "Do you know that the actual date of conception would be your birthday?" Ummm. Yeah. I do. He admits he's a little slow. We were able to cancel our birthday plans and get our money back, so that's good.

I'm trying to be hopefuly without gettin my hopes up.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Follicle Update

I went in today for another ultrasound / blood test. My estradiol is 1427 and I have 15 follicles:

Right: 11, 12, 14, 15, 15, 18, 36
Left: 11, 11, 12, 13, 14, 14, 16, 16

So - come back tomorrow and see where we are. Possible retrieval on Sunday, which is my birthday.

Is it bad when you are so used to vaginal ultrasounds that you almost fall asleep on the exam table?

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Don't alarm the infertiles

Apparently the weekend nurse is a crazy alarmist. The regular nurse told me yesterday that they expect you to stop bleeding on day 4 of stims, and I was on day 5. No big deal.

I had another ultrasound and blood test yesterday and today. I have a crazy-lot of follicles (can't remember how many). I have to go back tomorrow. They are expecting retrieval on Saturday or Sunday (which is my birthday!)

In other news - none of my pants fit, I am horribly uncomfortable sitting at my desk, I have to pee every 5 minutes, I want to vomit, and my feet are swollen. I'm heading out at lunch to try to buy some big pants - I wonder if Macy's sells elastic pull on pants??? I wish I could work in sweats...

Monday, May 25, 2009

I had my first ultrasound / blood test since I started my Follistim yesterday morning. I dragged my husband with me. Afterwards, we went out to breakfast (blueberry cashew pancakes) and then headed to the nursery to buy some flowers for the backyard. As we were paying at the nursery, I got "the call" from my RE's office. It went something like this:

Nurse, all cheerful like: "Stay on Follistim and Lupron, come back on Tuesday morning!"

Me, "I have a question. So, I still have my period..."

Nurse, cutting me off, alarmed, "You have your period NOW?!? Hold on while I get the doctor."

Doctor, "You have your period? Usually we wait until day 3 of your period to start you on Follistim but for some reason we didn't do that in your case. Let's see what happens on Tuesday - and we might have to cancel your whole cycle."

So, WTF. I don't even know what to think. If this is a mistake on the part of my REs office, I'm so pissed. I have insurance coverage for which I am eternally grateful (and I know how luck I am), but there is a limit. I don't want to "waste" one of my covered IVFs on a mistake.

I feel like I've been through the ringer on this cycle so far. I am uncomfortable all the time - my ovaries hurt. I'm tired. And, now I'm upset about this. I feel stupid that I didn't know this was a problem. I feel uneducated and like I don't know what is supposed to be happening, so I am not asking the right questions, so my cycle is going wrong. I feel like this is my fault.

I am still bleeding in little drops - so I'm hopeful this all stops. I have an appointment tomorrow. I've tried to do som mor research today to see if I can find more information. Unfortunately, I have meetings all day tomorrow, so I'm not sure if I'll get a chance to talk to the doctor or nurse. Hopefully I can carve out some time to talk to them so I don't have to get voice mail only information tomorrow.

In other news, I am not sure what they hell I'm going to wear to work this week. I don't think anything fits and I'm pretty sure that I'll cry if I have to button my pants. I think I'll have to invest in some Bella bands to get me through this IVF process. Nothing like feeling fat, uncomfortable, and not pregnant while resorting to pregnancy clothes!

Friday, May 22, 2009

Random Friday

1. I didn't know I'd get my period when I dropped down to 5 units of Lupron on Wednesday.

2. Lucky me and hubby decided to get frisky on Thursday morning because I'm not about to play when I have my period.

3. I'm really hoping that it's the Follistim that's making my pants tight. I'm hoping I didn't suddenly increase in size.

4. I refuse to get on the scale. That would just be bad for me.

5. Looking forward to some heavy duty garden work tomorrow. Only, I'm on "restriction" so I'll mostly be directing and feeding people.

6. Wish I'd signed up for ICLW. I miss the comments. I'm glad there are a few people out there!

Happy Memorial Day!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Follistim Baby!

This has been a long road so far, and I know it isn't over anytime soon. But, I was damn giddy today because I knew I'd get to start my Follistim today. Woo Hoo! I was so excited! Something new.

So, we spent some time figuring out the Follistim pen - because it had been 6 weeks since we learned how to use it. Gave myself my two shot and made some tacos. Is it possible that I am moody already?

So day one of stims is done. I am feeling optimistic. I'm excited for the weekend - have plans to do some backyard rennovation, go for my first ultrasound / blood work for the stim phase, and maybe take a nap!

Monday, May 18, 2009


I have finally achieved suppression. Woo Hoo! I drop my Lupron to 5 units tonight, and start Follistim at 225 on Wednesday. My first ultrasound / blood test is Sunday morning at 8a.m. I'm dragging hubby with me and we're going to try to go out for breakfast after. I'm so excited to move to step 2.

Since I've been on the Lupron for 5 freaking weeks (!), I felt the need to spice things up a bit with the shots. I had my husband practice giving me my shot last night. I have to say that I am more gentle than he is. I understand why the diabetic cat hisses at him.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Good news - almost

The doctor himself called me this morning. I thought for sure that meant bad news. However, he said that it is taking me forever, but he is 90% certain I am turning the corner. My estridiol was 82. Down from 160 or so on Monday. And, the follicle I had that was at 24mm is now 22mm. So, the doctor himself told me to come back on Monday for another u/s and blood test, and he is thinking that I'll be able to start stims thereafter.

Whew! So, hopeful I have good news Monday.

In other news, when I was in the waiting room today, I chose to sit on the little loveseat instead of the chair. They aren't that big - they're ok for a couple who don't mind cuddling, for parents with kids, and for people who don't "fit" in a chair. Well, this lady comes and plops next to me. There were open chairs at the time too. Hello??? Please stay out of my personal space!

Monday, May 11, 2009

Failure to Suppress?

I think I'm heading for a canceled cycle. I had another ultrasound and blood test this morning. I am still not suppressed. My doctor is out until Wednesday, so the coordinator scheduled me for another ultrasound and blood test on Thursday. She suggested that if I don't achieve suppression by then, that the doctor is likely to call this cycle a bust and start over.

I'm pretty annoyed by this news. However, I'd like to avoid falling into a vat of ice cream and pizza as a coping method. So, I'm trying to achieve some perspective here. Not very successful so far.

Saturday, May 9, 2009


I have always had very vivid dreams. Not as vivid as my sister who sleep walks. Lately though, my dreams have been so vivid and life like that I am actually confused about what is real and what is only a dream. I've had to actually check this fact with my husband to make sure I'm not totally batshit crazy. Last night, I had a dream that I had a dream after which I woke up and couldn't remember if the stuff I dreamt about was real. That was really confusing.

I'm not sure if that's the hormones I'm injecting into my body on a daily basis, or the stress of work and IVF, or both, but it makes for some interesting mornings.

I'm still in a waiting period. I've been on the Lupron for about 4 weeks now. This past week, they upped my dosage to 20 units. Ever since that, I've been exhausted. So flat out tired. I go in on Monday for another blood test and ultrasound. If I don't get good news from that, I don't know what happens. I'm scared and confused and hopeful and angry and depressed all at once - and I haven't even gotten to the hard part yet!

In other news, my sister who was going through IVF is pregnant with a singleton. I'm very excited for them. And, wondering when I get my happy ending too.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Not Suppressed yet

Today, my estradiol was up from last week, and I have a functional follicle developing. They upped my Lupron dosage to 20 units. Still not suppressed - I was told to come back in one week.

I may not be suppressed, but I sure am feeling depressed. When is my turn?