Last Christmas was rough. We had just found out about our infertility diagnosis, and I was dwelling on the thought that M and I would be that couple in the family - the one everyone takes pity on at the holidays because they don't have any family of their own. A year later, I've been through a roller coaster of a year - two IVF cycles, one miscarriage, and a poor prognosis for success.
Last year, I tried to skip Christmas or at least gloss over it. It didn't work. Christmas still happened, and I felt worse for not making the effort to celebrate. So, this year, I'm trying a new approach. I'm going all in with Christmas this year. My Christmas cards are written out, we hung lights outside, I "adopted" a DCFS child to bestow gifts on - the whole works. I've even convinced my brother's and sisters to stage a surprise skit for Christmas Eve. (The girls are going to wear red t-shirts that say "HO" on them, and the boys are going to dress as Gangsta Santas. We're going to do Christmas Carrol raps). My brother is getting married January 2nd, and my other brother and sister-in-law will be birthing a baby in the next week or so.
Despite my sorrows and struggles this past year, there is a lot to celebrate. And, I'm NOT going to wallow in my childlessness. I'm going to celebrate Christmas and enjoy the season as much as I can. I'm realistic in that it will not be easy, and there will be some sad times, but I think (and hope) that I'll get out out of what I put into it. And, this year, I'm putting in the effort.