I've been pretty ok since my big disappointment last week. Surprisingly, I"m not sad just disappointed. I'm still living in the faith that I will be a mom one day, one way. My husband and I spent some time this weekend reconnecting and contemplating our options. I've jumped right back on the Weight Watchers and exercise bandwagon. I think I just need Dr. B to call me every couple of months and tell me to lose weight in his calming and non-judgemental way. I swear, nothing gets me on program like someone telling me that I need to lose weight in order to have a baby!
We've been seriously contemplating the adoption option. Seriously to the point where I think that might be our next step. I've been researching programs and agencies and starting to make a financial plan to make it happen. My family has been awesome. I have two brothers and a sister (and a mom and dad). My siblings are all married as well. I didn't want to have to retell my story to all 8 of them, so I talked to my Mom, Dad, and sister and sent a mass e-mail to the rest of the gang telling them what happened and asking them to think about and open their hearts to the possibility that their niece or nephew may be adopted and of a different race than they are. Each of them sent me a wonderfully supportive e-mail. They all expressed that they would love our child no matter what. I cried (and my Mom cried because, naturally, they all hit "reply all" when they responded!).
Additionally, my Mom and Dad have given us a wonderful gift. Mom has said that if we adopt she would volunteer to provide childcare for the first year. The savings in the alone would help us pay for half of the adoption. This is pretty amazing for her to do. I would never ask or expect that my Mom babysit - she has her own life. But, if she did this for us, it would make the adoption option so much more feasible.
So, now I'm obsessed with researching adoption. This weekend, my husband and I plan on making a financial plan to be able to afford the cash layout needed for adoption and hopefully we'll schedule an informational meeting with an agency or two.
I am struggling a bit with feeling at lose ends and not having anything to look forward to. I was like this after my first failed IVF last summer. So, I'm working on coming up with some personal goals to help myself move forward - books to read, knitting challenges, home projects, etc. It helps me mentally to have goals and a way to mark the time.
I'll keep you posted. I haven't ruled out pursuing IVF again. I'm not sure if we'll do that this summer, or if we will go full steam ahead on adoption and "reserve" IVF for an attempt at a second child. We shall see.