Warning - there will be venting. This isn't pretty folks.
There will be no miracle baby for me. I got my period this morning. I knew better than to think that I could get pregnant the old fashioned way.
I am feeling very frustrated and angry today. I want to scream and cry and stomp my feet and shout that this isn't fair. And, it isn't fair. I should be able to get pregnant like a normal human, but I can't. Adoption seems so complicated - and unfair as well. So far, I've discovered (or fear) that several options in adoption may be closed to us because we are too fat, or too crazy, or not religious enough, or too unwilling to move to Kazakhtan for 2 months. If I ever hear anyone say "just adopt" again, I may pop them.
I feel frantic. I feel like I NEED to find a solution RIGHT NOW. I need some positive forward progress. And, it all feels like too much right now. The frenzy I feel is not good and makes me wonder if I'll have the strength for this long road ahead. Google is just as bad when you are considering adoption as when you are frantically searching for the solution to your infertility problems. Sometimes I wonder if we would be better off childless, but then I want to cry. Is it so much to ask to just be a mom?
I'm not sure what the right answer will be for us. Right now, I want someone to tell me what it is so that I can take a deep breath. And, I'm really hoping that some calm and clarity settle in soon and that at least some of this frenzy is related to the fact that I do have my period.