Thursday, April 22, 2010

A Sales Pitch in Adoption

Welcome all from ICLW!  I am so glad that I've decided to participate this month.  I'm connecting with new bloggers, which is great as I try to expand my blog reader to find other prospective adoptive families. I thought that, rather than do a big rehash of where we've been in our journey, I'd talk a little bit about where we are now.

M and I are currently looking into options for adoption.  After a lot of investigation, I believe that we have settled on open domestic adoption.  It excites me that we'll get to have a baby.  We are so fortunate to live in Chicago as there are many resources available.  We've had informational meetings with 4 local agencies.  Additionally, I have a personal connection to an adoptive family for three of the agencies.

So, let me tell you about the last informational session we went to last week.  It was the biggest sales pitch and worst customer service from an adoption agency that I have seen yet.  I have only just dipped my toe into the adoption pool, but I find that I have very strong feelings about what I think is ethical.  This agency pushed that envelope - big time.  I believe that as a prospective adoptive mom, I need to be well informed and educated.  So, like a good girl, I consulted my favorite ALI website and printed a list of the 20 questions to ask when interviewing an adoption agency.  We scheduled a 30 minute informational session during this agencies open house.  I sat down, and after a few minutes of small talk, we started going through my questions.  The social worker was vague.  Vague to the point that M was angrier than I've ever seen him.  As the conversation continued, the social worker continued to evade questions, and was trying to rush us along.  She kept saying that most of these questions would be answered at the informational sessions which are more in depth. She did go on about how successful they were in placing children, but then went on to take credit for the directed placements they helped to facilitate - other agencies excluded those as they didn't feel that they were an accurate description of their placements.

So, after she basically pushed us out the door, I asked what the next steps were (knowing that what I was thinking was that I'm never coming near this place again).  Apparently, there is a session where I can pay $350 and get ALL my questions answered.  And, after that, I should be informed enough to decide if I want to move forward with this agency.  I was horrified.  M was livid.  We both felt that they were preying on us, and, despite the fact that they were a non profit, were only in it for the money.  And, I can't actually figure out what they used the money for since the agency didn't even provide birth mother expenses.  The other agencies we've explored, including the big giant FOR PROFIT adoption law firm were more than happy to answer as many questions as we wanted, as often as we wanted - FOR FREE.

Needless to say, we won't be using them.  We hope to figure out definitively our plan in the next month or so, and sign with an agency later this summer.  That will give us time to get some more funds together, and will also allow for me to survive a super busy time at work.

14 comments:

  1. Ew, that just makes me sick. And if this is how they treat prospective adoptive families, imagine what the bmoms are put through. Gross.

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  2. That's awful...$350 to attend an informational session and ask questions! Nice to hear that you have some options for agencies. Good luck!!

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  3. Happy ICLW week!

    so sad these agencies need to prey like that- it helps no one.

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  4. I'm here from ICLW. We are just now looking into adoption, after rounds of failed infertility treatments. Can't wait to keep reading your blog!

    ICLW

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  5. That agency and the women sound horrific. I am wondering whether you should name this agency in a blog post, so other couples don't get sucked in by them. I can't say for sure, but I think that if you don't get into any direct naming and shaming, such as "They do..they did...they said..." and even more importantly "they are...."

    You could probably get away with "my feeling is that they did this to us, or "my opinion is..."

    Does anyone else know how to do this without invoking libel or slander laws?

    I just hate to hear of vulnerable people being taken advantage of in this way.You and your husband have enough good common sense and confidence to ditch this agency, but many other's won't.

    Lisa (your great life)

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  6. What a horrible experience! Like you said, it's good that you're in an area with many resources. Wishing you all the best in your quest for a baby!!

    happy iclw

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  7. Hey, thanks for stopping by my blog. And thanks for sharing about this agency experience. Fortunately the one orientation my husband and I have attended so far wasn't anything like that. I'll look forward to hearing more!

    Your newest ICLW follower.

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  8. How awful - surely they should want to answer your questions. I'm glad you've got other options!

    Happy ICLW

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  9. I know how you feel. It's very hard to find the right adoption agency, isn't it? I have had my own struggles and finally decided that there is no perfect adoption agency. Best of luck!

    Happy ICLW

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  10. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on adoption. My DH and I have been starting to talk about adoption, too. I feel it is a bit overwhelming, but it is nice to know there are others in the same situation and we aren't alone.

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  11. Thank you so much for sharing this. I am a strong believer that you get out of life what you put into it - so the more work you do finding the right agency the better things will work out for you. Good luck.

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  12. That is so sketchy--I'm glad you got out of there fast! They definitely shouldn't be charging for info sessions! And I think it's so important to follow your instincts on a huge decision like this--if it didn't feel right, you definitely don't want to pay them lots of money and be stuck working with them on the adoption of your child! Also, congrats on moving forward with open adoption! Our son joined our family as a newborn a year ago through domestic open adoption, and it has been absolutely wonderful. He's the most amazing little person and we have a great relationship with his birthfamily. So yay, open adoption!

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  13. Isn't it so sad that people try to take advantage of such well-meaning, loving people such as us? I'm so sorry you found yourself in this situation, but I'm glad you seem to have other (hopefully better) options. Best of luck to you! ~ICLW #48

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  14. The most important thing to start your journey is to feel 100% comfortable with your agency and the people who will be guiding you along the way. It sucks that there aren't always people in this with the right understanding or intention. Hope you can find one that fits and get the ball rolling with confidence. I know personally that it is extremely worth it!

    Happy ICLW!

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