Today would have been my due date for the pregnancy I lost in September.
I know it is just a date, and in real life, doesn't mean anything. But, I can't help but stop and think about what might have been. What today could have looked like had things gone differently. I could have been cursing about how uncomfortable I was and hoping that the baby would come any day. I could have been holding my baby.
But, life is what life is. And, I'm not holding my baby. And, I'm not pregnant. And, I'm not cycling now or anytime in the future. I'm waiting.
I am not as sad as I had thought I'd be. I didn't even cry today. In fact, I took a vacation day today and spent a wonderful morning with my husband and my dog hiking. But, I cried on Sunday at Church when the little kids were making their 1st Communion, so you never know.
I'm sad about what could have been. I feel that I've taken time to experience and mark the loss in a quiet way. But, I'm thankful for the short time that I was a "mom." I am so glad that I had the opportunity to experience that miracle.