Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Back to work tomorrow

I've been laying low at home since Friday, but tomorrow I head back to work. I'm kind of both dreading it and glad to be going. I'm hoping it's really busy with unimportant work to keep my mind occupied.

I'm dreading it because I can hardly bear for my husband to be out of the room for 5 minutes, and now I'll have to be away from him for 9 whole hours. I'm dreading it because the last time I got dressed for work, my baby was still alive. And, a few short hours later, he died. I'm dreading it because I can't make myself do anything and now I have to put on a good and brave face at work.

Thankfully, the people I work with are being super cool. It's funny, I didn't want to tell anyone I was pregnant because I didn't want to have to tell them that I miscarried. I wouldn't let my mom tell anyone either. Now that I miscarried, my mom told my home family, the lady at the grocery store, her friends, everyone. And, I'm the same way. Everyone at work, who I didn't want to know I was pregnant, all know I miscarried. At the same time I don't want to talk about it, I want to talk about it with everyone.

I made an appointment with my RE for a WTF consultation. I have a list of questions for him, and I hope to make some decisions on when to try again and what plan to put into place. I'm moving forward, barely and with a heavy heart.

I spent my whole morning crying. I'm hopeful that I can pull it together tomorrow.


  1. I am so sorry....just found your blog..and will be prayig for you.

    Hope you will stop by my Christmas blog...

  2. Went through something similar with my own miscarriage. I think being really open about it has helped me to heal.

    Here with you, lending you strength for your first day back. It's OK if you need to cry. Feel the way you need to feel. Hugs!

  3. I hope today goes okay for you & am very sorry for your loss. These things suck.

  4. I am really, really, really, really sorry for your loss. I'm so glad you have so many people to support and love you. I won't say "Hang in there" 'cause that bothers the crap out of me. But do.

  5. It initially is hard to tell people, but the support you will get will be amazing. People you never expect will be able to relate and console you. It really helped me get through our difficult time. I am still thinking about y'all.