Sunday, September 20, 2009

Always in my heart

Yesterday was a rough day and a good day. I started my morning by having myself a good cry while listening to sad songs. High on my playlist right now are "Tears in Heaven" by Eric Clapton, and this song called, "Glory Baby," by Watermark. It's a Christian song - which is normally not my taste, and it is a bit sappy, but the lyrics are all about miscarriage. I know it sounds like torture, but I listen to these songs and sob.

I received the Baby Loss memorial necklace that I bought in the mail yesterday. I love it and think it's beautiful (see picture). I bought it on etsy from "Peace of Mind's" etsy shop . The text in the ad says,

"This necklace was designed to be a special keepsake for mothers who have lost their little ones. The dotted heart charm reminded me of a tiny baby who will always be in their mother's heart. The pearl represents the mother's new angel."

I love it. I bought a 30 inch chain and am wearing it on that so it hangs right down by my heart. The seller packaged really nicely with a note saying that she hoped it brought comfort to the mother. Of course I cried.

The rest of the day was spent with extended family celebrating my mom's 60th birthday. I received lots of love and support from them as they've all heard my news. However, it's hard for me to talk about it without crying. I did have one moment where I had to leave the room. My sister-in-law is about 22 weeks pregnant. My uncle was talking to her about her pregnancy and how she felt in the early months. They had a large discussion of morning sickness. I felt like chiming in, until I remembered that I'm not part of that club anymore. Then, I started sobbing as the conversation reminded me of everything that I've lost. I had to leave the room. I'm happy for them, and I'm not jealous, but it still hurts.

I feel a little better and like I might be moving toward healing. I don't feel so much like I live in a horror movie like I did a week ago.


  1. What a beautiful pendant. I am so, so sorry for your loss. I'm so glad you have such a wonderful family to share your pain with, and still celebrate the SIL's gift.

  2. Oh, Amy, I'm so sorry for all you're going through. You did a wonderful job of making it through the family get-together. I just love the necklace.

  3. Amy, you are in my heart. I still have sad moments about my lost's month today since I had surgery and although I'm doing well sometimes, like a little wave, the thought of what it would have been like to be 10w+1 today hits me. We'll get there my friend, it just wasn't our time yet. Much love, Fran

  4. I absolutely love the necklace. What a beautiful way to remember your little angel baby.

    You did a great job of getting through the family get-together. I don't know if I would have been as strong.

    Take care of yourself.

  5. I think the necklace is beautiful! I hope it always reminds you of the love and hope that this world can bring! It will be your time soon. Great job on the family gathering, I know those are tough!

    Hope your day is a good one.