We received our official infertility diagnosis in November by accident when my husband went for a regular medical check-up. His doc diagnosed him with varicocelle, but told him it wasn't that big a deal and they didn't want to treat it. I freaked and made him get back on the phone and ask them about having kids. Now, I was pissed - why would they not consider that as an issue for a married man under 40 - you'd think it would at least be a question. Anyway, sure enough, once they found out we were TTC, he was at the urologist faster than you can say spermatazoa. And, the rest is history.
From November through the end of May - when I had my egg retrieval (and unsuccessful fertilization - yeah!), I've been consumed by figuring out and beginning fertility treatments. Now, I'm in a lull between cycles, and I've suddenly felt totally disconnected from myself. The truth is, that I am probably depressed (Dr. Google says I have moderate severe depression, but I'm guessing that many of us in IF land do as well). I can't remember what I like to do. I don't have any motivation to do anything, and I'm feeling directionless.
My only goal right now is to become a mom.
I've realized that one goal isn't going to cut it. I need to reconnect with my other passions and find things to make me happy now.
The quest begins again to figure myself out. I thought I was done with that in my 20s.