Lupron sucks

So, not suppressed yet. My estrogen level was 142 today - down from 173 a week ago. I'm not sure what the goal number is - and Dr. Google wasn't helping. My coordinator said my lining looks good and this does happen to people, but she did seem a bit perplexed by my ovaries. So, I have another ultrasound and blood test and Monday to see what's what. I can't help feeling a bit depressed.

Suppression....

Take two tomorrow on the supression check. I'm really hoping for the green light to move forward with stims. Really hoping. I guess I just want to be normal in something - and even if that means normal in my IVF protocol. So, fingers crossed.

My sister-in-law had her transfer last weekend. Her RE wanted to transfer 3 embroyos. My brother wanted to transfer 3 embroyos, but my SIL put down her foot and didn't do it. Thank goodness. She is experiencing some OHS - gained 8 pounds so far and is pretty miserable. Hopefully that subsides and she gets her positive soon.

I've enjoyed ICLW and loved all the support I've gotten! And, all the new blogs and new stories I've gotten to learn. I'm wishing all of you good luck in your journey. Keep in touch, 'k!

Migraines

This is getting old. I've been getting a migraine at least every other day for the past week. I think I'm on the verge of another one right now in fact as evidenced by the fact that I am having vision issues right now (precursor to aura, I think). This is problematic because the migraine from yesterday isn't really gone yet and I have stuff to do today. I can't just lay around and sleep.

Any ideas how to prevent / treat this? I can only take Tylenol. Someone suggested taking vitamins, but I'm already taking prenatal vitamins. It's a bit demoralizing to deal with this so often. Ugh.

Babies....at work

"Dear Office Neighbor:

I know your 4 month old baby is super cute. And, I know that you can hardly stand to leave her at home. I know that you can't understand why I wouldn't want to hear her crying while I work on my spreadsheets. But, is it really necessary for you to bring her to work? Considering the fact that we don't work in a day care, school, maternity ward, social services agency, retail store, etc. I should think that my office would be the ONE PLACE in the world where babies don't make a regular occurance.

So, office neighbor, mind the infertiles among us and leave the baby at home.

Sincerely,

A"

Fertility Socks

Everytime I head to the doctor for my vag-cam ultrasound, I pay special attention to the type of socks I wear. Usually, I'm heading over to the office during work hours, and I think being barefoot in the office is disgusting, so I pop a pair of socks in my bag.

Not just any socks though. As I mentioned before, I'm a knitter, and I have a few pairs of hand-knit socks that I made for myself. They are thick, and comfy, and make me feel special. They're my little bit of luxury. They're the socks I wear when I don't feel good, or when I am needing a bit of extra TLC, so they seemed like the perfect stirrup riding socks.

I've also recently purchased some other fun socks with stirrups in mind - socks with crazy bunnies and ducklings and panda bears on them.

I don't really care if anyone else likes them, or if people wonder why I have bobbie socks with crazy bunnies and little crazy bunny pom-poms on them, they make me smile.

How about you? What little thing do you do to take care of yourself during this crazy IF ride?

Lupron's fickle ways

Oh, Lupron. Just when I thought our time was coming to an end, I find that is not the case. This morning's blood test / ultrasound determined that I am not yet suppressed. So, one more week on the Lupron for me. How did we celebrate? Lupron gave me a killer migraine - complete with aura. Makes spreadsheet creation a bit difficult. Also, got my period. May I remind you that I just had my period for 2 weeks?

Moving on....

In honor of ICLW, I thought I'd talk a bit about the other side of my life.

• When I'm not injecting myself with hormones, I like to hang out with my husband and fur-family. This is my dog, Ryno. Despite his giant size, he really is a lap dog. He is currently curled up on the couch next to me snoring.


• I love to do crafts, especially knitting, sewing, and scrapbooking. Unfortunately, I don't have nearly as much time to craft as I would like, and my recent imersion into the world of infertility has definately eaten into my crafting time. I haven't figured out how to knit and blog / read at the same time.


• I love reading. I'll read almost anything - not much of a fan of science fiction. I tend to go in waves with my reading themes. Lately, I've been looking for romantic comdedy type books - and I find them a nice way to escape.

So, that's about it for now. I'm looking forward to learning more about everyone in the IF community through ICLW.

Hollywood, CA

I've been in L.A. since Saturday for a business trip. Sunny California is quite a difference from cold and snowy Chicago! It's been 96 degrees here. I was lucky enough to bring my husband with me. So, in between business meetings, we've been trying to soak up as much of L.A. as possible. It was so nice to take a break from my reality and experience something different. Putting my feet in the Pacific was a wonderful way to relax.

Of course, I brought my Lupron 24 hour migraine with me for the first day. Good times! Maybe that's why my smile is a bit wonky in this photo.

So, it's back to reality this afternoon. I have my ultrasound and blood test tomorrow at 7a.m. to determine if I'm supressed. That should be fun after getting home at 9:30 p.m. and adjusting to Chicago time.

Infertility - It's everywhere.

I am currently in sunny California for a business trip. One of my favorite ways to escape and relax is to dive head first into a romance novel. So, as the plane takes off on Saturday, I flip open my book and find a comic book strip featuring a female character walking into the fertility center. The doctor says "We have to stop meeting like this." and the woman says "Without these visits I'd have no sex life at all."

Seriously. I almost closed the book and started over. I am guessing that when authors run into a plot line stumbling block, they think, "Ok. I'll give the character fertility problems. That's funny." Whatever. I wonder if I noticed this before.

Sisters in Infertility

My sister-in-law and brother have also battled infertility. They have a 4 yr old daughter conceived through IUI. She was really private about the whole thing back in the day. Now, they are trying to conceive baby number two, and the one time wonder of IUI isn't to be. They are doing IVF with ICSI and had their second retrieval today. 21 eggs.

It's interesting to be going through something like this simultaneously with a family member. Also, my SIL and I have had a rocky relationship in the past. And, she's had a hard time with infertility too. And, she tends to be competitive. So, I worry. I worry that this won't work out for them, and they'll be devastated. I worry about the impact of what will happen if it doesn't work out for them - but it does with me. I selfishly worry about having to share the limelight of my first pregnancy with my SIL.

But, at the same time, I HOPE it goes well for them. I hope we both end up with simultaneous happy endings. And, I promise to be supportive and the best SIL, sister, and Aunt I can be. I'm grateful to have someone to share this with - in my own family - who knows exactly where I am.

Lupron

Today was my first day of Lupron. It wasn't too bad. I had no problem giving the shot - didn't hurt at all and no flinching. It burned a bit afterward and feels like a bee sting. But, not too bad.

Why I'm not going to Church today

I'm Roman Catholic and today is Easter; therefore, I should be packing up to head to Church this morning. However, I just can't do it right now. I'm still struggling over the Church's stance on IVF. There was an article in the paper last week about IVF and the Church. The Church official said that IVF babies aren't made from love and that their parents are more likely to treat their children like a commodity.

Bullshit.

Telling me that babies should be made from love just pisses me off. Do I not love my unconceived babies????

Also, Easter Sunday is prime baby baptizing day. I've always thought out my kids baptisims. I have saved my wedding dress for 10 years and hope to make a Christening gown out of it one day.

So, I'm staying home.

Preserving Memories

I've always been a "crafty" person, and about 10 years ago, I started scrapbooking. I've been systematically documenting my life and the life of my family. When the infertility monster entered my life in the fall - I stopped scrapbooking. An activity that used to make me so happy only made me sad. I realized at that time that I wasn't scrapbooking for me, I was scrapbooking for my future children. Preserving my memories and telling my stories stopped having meaning. Who was going to care about my life after I was gone if I was never a mother?

I've started to get back to it a little lately. But, I've tried to change my focus. Instead of preserving memories for my future kids, I'm preserving memories for me and my husband. I've focused on vacation memories and other small projects.

One day, I hope I can go back to telling my family story and have it mean something afterall.

Mix up at the Pharmacy

I work at the same hospital as my RE office (convenient for those 7am ultrasounds). Conveniently, my "specialty pharmacy" is the Walgreens on the ground floor. So, sent my husband over to pick up my giant sack-o-meds yesterday.

We brought everything home, and being the good infertiles that we are, began to take inventory. And, noticed the big F' up. My lovely pharmacy gave me the drugs for some other infertile! Hello!?! Charged my credit card for them. Charged her insurance for them, etc. Big time screw up. I wonder if they've heard of this privacy law called HIPAA....? I proceeded to make it worse by trying to call the Walgreens and accidently crank calling her. Oops!

I dragged my sack-o-drugs to work today and stopped at the pharmacy to fix the problem. The guy who helped me was great. However, the chick who originally packed every thing stopped over and basically blew it off as "Oh Well." Ummm Oh well my ass.

So, it's all fixed now. My bag of smack is sitting on the counter waiting for Monday when I get my first shot of Lupron.

In other news, my period, which ws so jacked up this month (1 week late, a week of spotting, and then the big show) is going on and on and on and on. Good Lord. Err.

And, we're off!

We met today with a slew of people in preparation for IVF/ICSI #1. I've started BCPs and will begin Lupron 4/13, Follistim on 4/22 and an anticipated retrieval somewhere around 5/1 - 5/6. Just in time for a Mother's Day (ish) transfer.

Our clinic forces us to meet with a psychologist. Not being a "therapy" person (I'll keep my feelings bottled up inside, thank you.) I was a bit resentful that I had to see a shirnk prior to getting knocked up, but my loser cousin can get pregnant with any guy she meets, any time she wants despite her inability to care for kids (3 and counting) without having to to get pyschologist approval.

I was pleasantly surprised. It was really helpful. She went through the cycle with us, and talked about the emotional side effects of all of the drugs and encouraged us to discuss how we could best support each other to get through it all without crumbling our marriage all around us.